By Dr. Linda Young

The advent of the Internet and wireless technology have made a greater impact on the way we relate to one another than any other factor in the past 20 years. The rapid evolution of these now-ubiquitous technologies presents a unique set of opportunities and challenges for today’s families. These tools allow us simultaneously to become more connected with one another and become more isolated.

These days, it’s not uncommon for children to be more tech-savvy than their parents. As a result, it often can be difficult for parents to understand or relate to what their kids are doing online -- a scary prospect for many. But when adults stay informed and approach children in the right way regarding their online activities, technology can have a very positive effect on our relationships and family lives.

Being born into a digital age, today’s children have developed the ability to move seamlessly between online and offline environments. Their online worlds are part of their real lives. Spending time online (even socializing) can have great rewards for children and teens, preparing them for an increasingly wired professional world, helping raise confidence in introverted children and exposing them more readily to diverse cultures and ideas. The key issue is whether time on the computer is balanced by offline relationships and activities.

In addition to balancing time spent online, it’s important for parents to understand the online activities in which their child is engaged. Parents often wonder how children who were raised to be respectful, kind and law-abiding can end up engaging in hateful, illegal, sexually provocative, bullying or harassing activities on the Internet. Any child may be a victim or perpetrator of bad behavior on the Internet. Some of the top reasons good kids do bad things online include:

• It’s easy and fast. As a parent, you have probably witnessed the strong and changeable emotions of pubescent kids. On the Internet, strong emotions can be discharged at the speed of a keystroke, but the ripple effects can last forever.
• There is an illusion of privacy. When kids are on the Internet in their own rooms and the audience is invisible, they begin to feel like they are in a private space. They get bolder because they can’t see or hear the people who are reading their messages or viewing their embarrassing or provocative photos.
• The Internet allows for emotional and physical distance. The child who bullies or harasses someone online doesn’t witness the emotional and physical reaction of his or her target. This distance makes it much harder to feel compassion and easier to ignore or discount the victim’s pain, suffering and anger. The child who bullies or harasses on the Internet is also safer from physical retaliation. Because of the physical distance from the target, a small or fragile child who has been the victim of bullying in real life may then be tempted to become an online bully.

So what can parents do to help kids avoid these Internet and technology pitfalls? For starters, consider these steps:

• Be empathetic -- Simply let kids know you are there for them, without demanding that they open up immediately. If you pressure a child to talk when you are feeling anxious, agitated or angry, you are most likely to sound accusatory, hysterical or like an interrogator. As a result, a child is even more likely to shut down, become evasive or lie to escape you.
• Prioritize time together -- Find simple activities to share. Make something together. Take a drive. Share something you know she already enjoys, or that he can teach you how to do. Tell a few stories about times in your own adolescence when you felt confused, anxious, left out or misunderstood, and how you came out of it eventually. You might be surprised to find that with patience and persistence, your teen eventually will begin to open up to you on his or her own!

Some additional tips for parents and guardians to consider for navigating relationships in a technology-driven world:

• Discuss when, how and for what purposes the mobile phone is to be used. Set some guidelines and boundaries for yourselves and your kids to follow.
• Discuss personal safety and courtesy-related calls such as calling on arrival at events away from home, or to announce lateness due to unforeseen circumstances.
• Set parameters for total amount of time allowed for chatting and texting with friends and family each month.

For a free, downloadable guide to understanding a child’s virtual world, including warning signs, tips for communicating and great resources for smarter, safer surfing online, click here.

Dr. Linda Young is a staff psychologist at Seattle University and is a Qwest Communications expert at IncredibleInternet.com. Qwest works with Dr. Young and other experts to educate families about the latest online risks and smarter Internet surfing. Visit www.IncredibleInternet.com for more information.